Promoting autonomy in children: A practical guide to the best strategies

"I want to do it myself!" is a phrase you may have already heard from your child. And while this statement may seem adorable, it can also raise challenges for parents. Fostering autonomy in children requires time, patience and, sometimes, a rethinking of the way we do things. But why is autonomy so important, and how can you support this skill in your child, especially in a hurried schedule?

This article will provide you with practical advice on how to encourage your child's independence while respecting his abilities and limits. We'll also look at the importance of choosing the right tools, and how to adapt these practices even on busy days.

1. The benefits of autonomy for children: more than a practical skill

Encouraging autonomy is not simply a matter of making children "able" to do things for themselves. Above all, it's about helping children feel competent, confident and valued. By encouraging autonomy, you enable your child to develop essential skills that go far beyond the simple ability to perform everyday tasks.

Building self-confidence

When children achieve something on their own, they boost their self-esteem. This sense of accomplishment is crucial in helping them persevere when faced with more difficult tasks. A study conducted by the University of Rochester showed that children encouraged to be independent from an early age had a better self-perception and were more resilient in the face of challenges.

Acquisition of social and emotional skills

Independence also enables children to acquire social skills. When they learn to accomplish tasks on their own, they are also better able to understand the social rules around them, to collaborate and to ask for help appropriately. What's more, by being more independent, they can better manage their emotions, which reduces stress during transitions and new situations.

Better frustration management

One of the greatest lessons in independence is dealing with failure. Trying, failing, trying again and finally succeeding is a natural cycle that helps children accept frustration. A study conducted by Stanford University showed that children who are encouraged to persevere after failure develop greater emotional resilience and are better able to overcome future challenges. When children learn to solve their own problems, they develop emotional management skills. A key process for future resilience.

Impact on cognitive development

Autonomy, particularly through manipulative and exploratory tasks, also stimulates cognitive development. Dr. Maria Montessori, pioneer of autonomy education, demonstrated that letting children freely explore their environment and perform practical tasks improves their ability to solve problems and make decisions. This directly influences their cognitive skills, i.e. their ability to think, learn, concentrate and solve problems.

2. Why do some parents do things for their children?

If fostering autonomy in children is so beneficial, why are so many parents reluctant to encourage this independence? Here are some common reasons why parents intervene more than they should, and the impact this can have on the child.

The desire to protect the child

Many parents want to protect their children from failure or frustration. They intervene to avoid crying jags or frustration with difficult tasks. And yet, allowing a child to encounter difficulties in a safe environment is essential if they are to learn to manage their emotions and expectations. It's part of learning to live.

A feeling of immediate efficiency

In our often hurried daily lives, it can seem more efficient to do things yourself, especially when a child takes a long time to complete a task. However, in the long term, this slows down the development of the child's autonomy, making him/her dependent on the adult to accomplish simple tasks.

Fear of failure

Parents may fear that their child will fail, or feel frustrated if they don't succeed immediately. But as Stanford University explains, failure is a key process in learning and development. It teaches perseverance and the ability to pick oneself up after a setback.

What it means for parents

Doing things for the child can give parents a sense of control. However, in the long term, this creates a dynamic of dependency, where the child lacks the opportunity to learn and feel capable of doing things for himself. So it's important to strike a balance between help and autonomy, to foster the child's independence.

3. Choosing the right tools to promote autonomy: the importance of adaptability

Autonomy can only be developed if the child has access to the right tools. It is crucial that parents adapt the environment and objects available to the child so that he can succeed on his own.

Practical examples: Velcro shoes versus laces

One striking example I often see as a teacher concerns shoes. A 3-year-old probably doesn't yet know how to tie his shoes. If you offer him shoes with laces, he will constantly have to ask for help. Scratch-off shoes, on the other hand, allow him to become autonomous in this task, reinforcing his independence. This small adjustment makes all the difference in a child's daily life.

Adapting everyday equipment

Here are a few other examples of objects adapted to promote independence:

• Adapted kitchen items: Bowls with suction cups, training cups with lids, and spoons with ergonomic handles enable children to eat on their own while minimizing mess. Compartmentalized plates and waterproof aprons complete the set to encourage autonomy without mess.
• Easy-to-put-on clothes: choose elastic pants and tops without buttons, so your child can dress himself.
• Illustrated storage boxes: Provide accessible storage boxes with illustrations or labels representing the toys (e.g., drawings of Lego, dinosaurs, toy cars, dolls or dinettes), so that your child knows exactly where to store his or her belongings independently.

4. Varied activities to encourage daily independence

Encouraging independence doesn't have to be limited to a few specific activities, such as getting dressed or tidying up. Here are some more varied activities that can be easily integrated into daily life and encourage independence in children:

Hand washing: autonomy within reach

Placing a step in front of the sink and using an adapted soap dispenser enables children to wash their hands by themselves. It also teaches them personal hygiene, a key skill.

Preparing your bag for nursery or school

Let your child prepare his bag with simple items: a cuddly toy, a water bottle, or his snack. This gives them a sense of responsibility and active participation in preparing their day.

Caring for plants and animals

Use a small watering can for the plants or a cup to fill the cat's or dog's bowl. By making this task part of the daily routine, the child can do it on his own, reinforcing his independence without the parent having to remind him.

5. Reconciling autonomy with a hurried daily routine

It's often difficult to encourage autonomy in a tight schedule, especially in the mornings before school or nursery. Here are some strategies for balancing autonomy and efficiency.

Anticipating the watch

Prepare your child's clothes for the following day the evening before. This saves time in the morning, while allowing your child to choose his or her own outfits and get ready on his or her own.

Use simplified routines

Structured routines help children know what to do without the need for constant instructions. A well-established routine lets children know that every morning, they need to dress, wash and pack their bags. These habits reinforce their independence over time. To find out more about the importance of routines, read our article [Routines: a shield for children's emotional security].

Choosing the right moments

If mornings are too rushed to encourage independence, choose other times of the day, such as after school, to encourage the child to carry out tasks alone. For example, he can prepare his clothes for the next day or put on his shoes on his own before going out. These moments are perfect for giving him the space to learn to do things on his own, without rushing.

Conclusion: encouraging independence in everyday life, an investment in the future

Every little step towards autonomy is a great victory for your child.

By fostering independence from an early age, you enable your child to develop skills that are essential for his or her future development. It builds confidence, improves frustration management, and helps him acquire practical skills, such as dressing himself, putting on his shoes, brushing his teeth, or putting his things away. These small daily tasks, adapted to his age, help him gain independence and a sense of responsibility, while boosting his self-confidence. The aim is to gradually enable them to perform simple everyday tasks without the constant assistance of an adult.

Each small step towards autonomy is a great victory for the child, and by patiently accompanying him, you help him to become a confident and fulfilled adult.

At Play and Grow Together, our activity sheets, which focus on a child's overall development through self-confidence, emotional management and much more, can also contribute indirectly to supporting your child's independence.

Download our fact sheets and explore these enriching activities together!

To go one step further in encouraging your child's independence, why not opt for an hour of personalized coaching? Discover how our coaching program can offer you strategies tailored to your specific needs.

And you, what little tricks do you use to encourage your child's independence on a daily basis? Share your experiences in the comments!